I honestly didn't think that last year would be your last birthday. It was the last time you would blow out candles, the last time you would have your picture taken with all 5 of your beautiful grand-kids.
You are terribly missed, Dad. It is a difficult choice to focus on the good memories, new ones to be made, and moving forward. It's a choice that I must consciously make on a daily basis. I don't always succeed. Sometimes I look through pictures and feel angry, grieved, frustrated. Most of those feelings come from a pretty selfish place, I guess. The impact that you had on my life and the lives of my children were probably deeper and more profound than I ever told you. I wish I could talk to you today. I wish I could sing 'Happy Birthday' to you. I wish I could see your face light up the way it did when you would read cards from your grand-kids. I wish I could see you laugh. Regardless of my selfish desires or my own wishes, I know that what you would want from me is a smile, and a thankful heart. So today, I will smile. I will have a thankful heart, I will raise a glass of Guiness in your honor.
Happy Birthday, Dad.
