Ready for 2012!

BRING IT!!
I'm ready for a new year. Time again to reevaluate, simplify, and prioritize.  At first glance one might say that doing those three things are easy, but for a girl like me it can become slightly overwhelming.  I've always struggled with approval.  In my past I have always cared so much about what the people in my life thought of me, my chioces, my victories and my failures.  I have cared about it to the point where I could feel suffocated by it; wondering what has been said or even thought by those people whom I value. It's an issue that God has been dealing with me pretty severely on during the past few months.  When I was in Africa this past month I heard God speak directly to my heart with this verse:

Galatians 1:10  For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ

It's probably what I appreciate the most about God.  When I talk to him about my issues, He answers.  Needless to say I have not arrived; I still find myself slipping into thoughts or worries about what others (who I have known and loved my entire life) think. I am, however, making progress. I will not be ashamed for the past mistakes I have made or past sins I have committed, regardless of how "big" they were in the eyes of the world.  I will not be ashamed of who I am or who I am becoming.  I live my life for the audience of ONE.  There is ONE who will judge me. ONE who knows what my issues are. ONE who's approval I desire.  He is the place I find my peace, my hope, my correction, my forgiveness, my promises, my life.  I hope that I can make strides in 2012 to walk in complete confidence of who I know I am and leave behind the debilitating approval seeking thoughts or behaviors that have kept me from all God has called me to be. 

Dorothy Joan Egan

Fondest memories of my grandma: 
-Slumber parties at her house when we were little. I remember one time we woke up really early and decorated her kitchen in crate paper and balloons and signs, just for fun.  She was tickled and proud of us, always.  
-Measuring ourselves on the back door of her laundry room as we grew up
-The night I called her when I was in college (the first time), and my phone had a bad connection, and she thought I had been kidnapped and was speaking in code trying to see if I was in trouble. 
-Wearing her earrings on my wedding day
-Two days after having Jeffrey, her saying, "you still look pregnant"
-lunches at Lyons, Marie Calendars, Red Robin, and Saint Mary's cafeteria
-Her pink volunteer uniform from the hospital
-Her giddiness when she would buy loud annoying Christmas toys for us that would drive my dad crazy.
-quotes like, "yoo-hoo!", "hey, friend" "so, whatcha know?" 
-Jeffrey pushing her in her wheelchair
-Her letting me drop her off at work and use her car when I first had my license. 
-Her hatred of nail polish any time I wore it. 
-Everyone calling her the nutty nut lady during the holidays when she would go around selling nuts. 

She was very stoic, and never bared her soul to anyone. Never in my life did I hear her complain. Not once. She was wonderfully stubborn and blunt. She was the strongest woman I know.  I had the blessing of praying very quietly in her ear a couple hours before she passed and told her how much she was loved and how thankful we were for her, what a wonderful blessing she has been in our lives. I told her that Jesus loved her and was waiting for her, and even though her eyes were closed her eyebrows raised at the mention of His name, it was a precious moment that I will never forget. 
Even though it's been almost a year since I've posted the Irish Blessing, here it is again for you, Grandma:  

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

I love you. 

It Only Takes One

It takes as little as one person to make another feel small, unimportant, stupid, or insignificant.  It's something that always stings, but penetrates deeply when it comes from someone you love.  We've all done it. We've hurt people with our words, our actions, our judgement, our silence, our lack of interest. 
Proverbs 18:21 says that the tongue has the power of life and death. 
Yikes...that IS powerful. LIFE. AND. DEATH.
Am I speaking life or death into others' lives? There are ONLY those two choices. My prayer is: that God would continue to convict me when I speak death of any kind to any person, and that He would continue to be merciful to me when I blow it and hurt someone with my words that would cause them to feel as if they are anything less than wonderful.  I want to be a LIFE speaker when my mouth opens. 

On the flip side, it only takes ONE person to make another feel full, very important, smart, and wonderfully significant.  I think there are people who are naturally gifted in this area.  They don't have to try very hard.  They give their words, their actions, their time and their money all with no strings attached or ulterior motives in order to edify someone else on a regular basis. Others don't have that natural gift, but instead choose to be selfless often enough that it becomes a part of who they are. I am blessed to have both types in my life and hope that I can grow more and more in those areas. 

My shout out this week goes to Peggy Udvare. Because of who you are in words and actions I was able to feel God's love.  It was as if he used you to whisper to my heart, "Erin, I see you, I see what you're doing, I love you and I'm proud of you". I don't care how old you are, we ALL need that sometimes.

TENDER HEART

I was trying to stay warm under my covers for a few minutes longer this morning while Molly was in my bathroom blow drying her hair.  It was still dark, 6:30 ish. In comes Ellie to my room, crying from deep inside her little body and crawls under my covers with me.  She said she had a terrible dream and just her saying those words made her start crying even harder.  I held her tightly, stroking her hair and kissing her cheeks, and asked her if she wanted to tell me about it.  She cried slower and calmed herself down enough to say, "we were all at a big family dinner and this boy walked up and wanted to play ball with Jeffrey, while they were playing ball, the boy was hit with the ball and he died" as the last couple words came out her gut wrenching sobs began all over again. After hugging her tightly, rocking her and talking it through, she calmed down. As I sat there cuddling with her, my mind wandered to the other night when she and I were having another conversation. She had asked questions about children in Africa, and what their lives were like and how we were going to help them while we are there.  I told her how different their lives were from ours, but was not graphic or harsh.  This too, brought her to tears. She was even embarrassed that she was crying and didn't think that I noticed that she had completely shifted her body and her eyes to finish the conversation.   Then I remembered back a couple years to when we had taken Ellie to talk to a counselor because she had been experiencing some health issues that had no end result or diagnosis and we wanted to make sure there wasn't more going on that we were overlooking. After she met with Ellie,  I remember the counselor saying to me, 'Ellie is extremely sensitive to the world around her. She cares deeply for people she doesn't even know, children sick in hospitals, people who are hungry, etc. She thinks about them and worries about them'.   I know children can be sensitive, but usually by definition that means they get their feelings hurt easily, are easily offended, or prone to tantrums. ( I have these other types of sensitive children). My heart melts knowing that Ellie has a different kind of sensitivity in her. It has been born into her for a purpose.  It humbles me to a place where I crave that type of sensitivity; the kind that doesn't see self, but sees others.  I am praying to have a tender heart like hers, for my heart to break for the same things that break God's heart.

I COMPLETELY AGREE

WITH THIS POST

MOLLY BY GOLLY

She saved her money for over 6 months to buy herself a computer.  She did it. She already has a natural discipline when it comes to money. She said "no" to many things that she could have purchased along the way.  One thing I love about Molly is that she is NOT at all an impulse buyer.  She doesn't buy things or ask for things she doesn't need when we're at the store.  I guess I notice it in her more because my other two are the opposite.  Ellie likes to buy ANYTHING and Jeffrey seems to think that we actually grow money in our backyard because he regularly asks for things that we can not afford.  Anyway, Molly's  first order of business after her computer arrived was to have a blog.  I have not prompted her one time, she just gets on her computer and updates her blog.  I love that girl. She makes me giggle. 

mollymosworld.blogspot.com 

CHARACTER

“People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is my desperate hope and prayer that I raise my children to know what character is, how it is shaped,  and the importance of it's value in their lives. 

 

TODAY: Jeffrey comes to me with his reading log to sign that he has clearly just filled out.  His reading times for the last week showed that he read 30 min a day, every day, from a book that ...wait for it... he just checked out from the library today.  (sigh)

Me: Jeffrey, is the information on this reading log honest?

Jeffrey: yes.

Me: Jeffrey, this is honest? You read every day for the past 7 days from a book that you just checked out today? This is your chance. (please tell the truth)

Jeffrey: no, it's not honest, but I did read two chapters today, but you need to sign it. 

Me: Jeffrey, if I sign it, then not only you would be a liar, but I would be a liar. I am not willing to be a liar. 

Jeffrey: Mom, she's not going to know

Me: (cringe) ok. Time to talk about character.  Get comfortable; after my 5 minute lecture, you will be able to tell me what godly character looks like.

Jeffrey: (overly heavy) sigh. 

I realize that this is minor in comparison to what could be considered as big life mistakes.  It is, however, one of the many tiny things that begin to shape character from childhood, into adolescence, into adulthood.  People know us by our character.  People decide whether or not to trust us based on our character. Our thoughts, our words, our behaviors; it all comes down to our character.  Doing the right thing when no one will ever know that you are doing the right thing. 

SO MUCH IN MY HEAD

Often times I will sit here on my blog, with a blank page in front of me and literally millions of thoughts rushing through my head on what to write about.  I think the difference between me and some of the great writers (speaking to you, brotha)  I know is that I just continue to sit and stare and think about which thought I should touch on. Too many thoughts rushing around, no beginning to my thoughts, no end. I just want to PICK ONE! Sadly, I don't think that will happen tonight.  Instead, I am going to give some shout outs. 

Mom: Thank you for your generous and loving spirit.  You are an amazing example of acceptance, love, honesty, and integrity. You regularly choose to forgive instead of blame or hold grudges. I am thankful for you in my life. 

Dad: You are terribly missed, and when I think about it, it still stings my heart.  Thank you for your example of humility. You never pretended to be perfect, nor did you ever steal God's glory for your successes. 

Mark and Richelle: Your constant love and support of me, my children, and my family never goes unnoticed.  Your work ethic, encouragement, and positive outlook are examples to many more than just me.  I give thanks for you both on a regular basis. 

Wendi: Your complete dependence upon God is the best example I could ever have in my life.  Your boldness to do what the bible says about: prayer, love, giving, speaking, worshiping, repentance, forgiveness, and complete surrender are a daily inspiration to me.  You point others not to yourself, but to God.  You don't participate in gossip, or alienation, but overflow with Christlike character. 

Brian: I am thankful for your gift of writing; for your willingness to let me in your head on occasion and experience life through your eyes. Keep your head up. You will survive the storms ahead. I love how often you share your love for others to help you to stay focused on what truly matters.  I love you. 

 

Paddy: I am so excited to watch you take on fatherhood.  I love how you appreciate each one of your nieces and nephews and the entertainment and joy they bring to the world.  You are genuine and kind to everyone. You will make a wonderful daddy.

Mo: You are missed. I wish you were here. Ok, no guilt trip. I'm thankful that all of us can count on you for regular comments and encouragement. You are like human sunshine. 

Now that I've started, my mind is even more full of people and character traits that I am thankful to have in my life.  I will not continue tonight, but will save them for another time.

Peace

Oddly, this is how I feel right now.  One might think I would feel completely overwhelmed, tired, stressed, or tipping towards the edge of reality if they looked at my calendar.  My calendar includes 7 scheduled class times at UNR, 2 Starbucks work mornings, 1 night of teaching bible study, 9 karate classes, 2 ballet classes, 1 soccer practice, 1 soccer game, and at least one scheduled appointment....per week.  My life also includes the usual: daily homework of my own and checking and helping with homework of 3 kids, dinners, laundry, quality marriage time with that hottie I'm married to, quality family time with those wild monkeys I live with, and quality friendship time.  How is it that I am functioning (seemingly) well with all of these balls in the air? Grace. God's grace is upon me and I'm truly thankful to see the beauty that is life all around me.  It is a new season.  It's busy, and full and wonderful.

FRIENDS- not the tv show

There were 17 bodies sleeping under my roof last night. (I did count the frog and the hamster).  We just had a weekend packed with conversation, laughter, food, and friendship.  I was blessed tremendously by our visitors and actually hope that it happens again soon. Michael crawled into bed last night and said, "I love having a house full of friends".  I felt so thankful in that moment that the 2 families who came to visit were as easy going and accepting as they were; and everyone was able to enjoy one another. I'm thankful that Michael has these men in his life who he genuinely connects with.  I think it's so important to have such relationships and while Michael is loved by many and has always been so easy to be around socially; I've never seen him so comfortable and content as he is when he is around these guys.  It's one of those things that makes me genuinely happy. To hear him laugh so much this weekend was awesome. 

 

THE END OF SUMMER...

The beginning of the school year has always been one of my most favorite times of the year.  When I was my kids' age, the first day of school meant a new lunchbox, new backpack and a first day of school outfit. New school supplies are also a fond memory. The unsettling nerves always churned in my stomach anticipating seeing all of my classmates after a long summer as well as wondering what my new teacher would be like; along with the blissful feelings of knowing my best friends were in my same class again, as well as the hint of satisfaction I felt from being older than the kids who were entering the grade I had just come from. One of the best memories I have from childhood schooldays are all of the first days of school when I would bring home between 5 and 6 textbooks to be covered.  My mom, creative and detail oriented by nature, would find decorative contact paper to cover my books.  Her crisp folds, and flawless corners were always accompanied by the address label on the top right corner of the front of the book with my name, teacher's name and subject of the book either typed or written in her perfect printing. It's funny how special all of those details were to me.  She has always been EXCELLENT at all of the details.  
This summer has been long and wonderful; filled with trips to Sacramento, Wild Island, Six Flags, Grandma Ellen's and Cousin's pools, summer camps, sleepovers, movies...and everything in between. 
The beginning of the school year feels like a new beginning, again.  Time for new schedules, new responsibilities, new activities, all with promise of moving forward.  
I'm finally thankful to say that: I. AM. READY. 

WHAT'S UP LATELY:

~SUMMER HAS BEGUN!  Kids so far have gone to basketball camp, jump and shout camp, Sacramento to visit best friends as well as visit Grandma and Paul, Six Flags, and as I type this, my two oldest are at Old Oak Ranch in California for youth camp with our church for the week.    

At Six Flags, Ellie dominated the rock climbing wall...

 

SWEET faces!!

~Housing an Intern:  We have a guest in our home for the summer.  Mark. He is 22 and he is doing an internship at our church for youth pastoring.  He's away this week with the kids at camp.  We don't see too much of him because he's been very busy with our church; but he's fun and he's got a heart for God.

~Father's Day: I spent the majority of the day in bed with my Ellie who's been sick with a kidney infection.  Looked through pictures of my dad, and allowed myself to feel the sadness and ache that comes from missing him.  I know it won't be forever. I know I will get to a point when most of what I can recall are happy, good memories and it won't hurt so much.  This year was not that year.

~Friends moving away: I am not one that really loves change.  I know that God has a purpose and plan for everyone and I also know that the Brewer family moving away isn't the end of the world.  It still hurts.  My husband has taken a strong liking to that Mike Brewer. And Shontell.... well, sometimes I feel sad for all the people I know who don't know her. She's that great. 

~Husband traveling:  Not something that ever makes me happy; but I am well seasoned in my traveling husband during his busy work months and I no longer complain about it. I appreciate how hard he works for me and our family.  I came home from Sacramento the other night so that I could see him for a few hours before he left again to work in the middle of nowhere.  I was SO tired when I got home, and when I went upstairs there was a bubble bath with candles waiting for me.  He's kind of amazing. 

~Waking up at 4 ayyyemmm: Starbucks time starts early. Time for bed.



I LOVE...

*my husband. That guy seriously knows how to love me unconditionally. He works hard. He's just a very good man. I got lucky with that one.
*living in Reno. 
*watching and quoting FRIENDS. still. 
*laughter.
*iced coffee with vanilla and breve. 
*music
*peace
*listening to books on my ipod
*hope and possibility
*a freshly cleaned set of sheets
*reading stories authored by my children. 
*sound, godly encouragement...thank you (you know who you are)

The dark cloud...

I often feel as if I am standing on the outside of my life looking in.  For way too long now, I feel like there is a dark cloud that follows me, or a deep sleep I have fallen into.  As I'm looking in from the outside of my life, I am seeing all of the things I want to do, or need to do, but time just keeps passing by.

It was about five weeks ago that I had a feeling in my heart, 'I want to write blogs dedicated to certain people, I am going to start with (my uncle) Mark O'Driscoll' ...I had just come from an evening out where I was able to spend time talking with him and I felt the strong desire to write about him, and what an incredible gift he is.

Then time went by.
I kept thinking about it.

About three weeks ago I had a couple distinct words come into my heart when the pressing idea of the blog appeared again.  Those words were "humble" and "encourager".  I was piecing together in my mind what I would write about.

Then time went by.

As his birthday was approaching I knew I needed to get my thoughts out and write the blog.

I didn't.

It was then that I visited my brother's blog, as I often do; only to find a (as always) brilliantly stated, eloquent blog written about the man I had been desiring to write about for the past 5 weeks.  I felt like if I wrote my blog now, it would be like the opening act coming out after the rock-star.  This is just one of the few things that I have realized as "life passing me by".  It has been strongly (for months) in my head and heart to be training for a half marathon that I am supposedly running in a couple weeks.  I could give every excuse in the book as to why I have not trained.  I am not mentally where I need to be at all, and I have just not done it.

It's embarrassing to admit that I can often sit and do nothing at all but stare and think in silence without moving for 2 hours straight.  I am in here, inside my head and body, wanting desperately to get out and have passion and drive again for something.

What I know to be true without a doubt is this:  I have a truly blessed life. God has given me an awesome husband as well as three truly amazing children. God has surrounded me with beautiful, loving, generous, wise, funny, encouraging people. All of my needs and most of my material wants are met. I know that my life is good. That was never a question. Even as I write this I am tempted to push the backspace button until I again have a blank screen in front of me.  I know I must press on.

I know life is experienced in and through seasons, changes, heartbreak, grief, sorrow, devastation, greed, sacrifice, selfishness, anger, excitement, drought,  ............and joy.

I am praying for the last.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD

I honestly didn't think that last year would be your last birthday. It was the last time you would blow out candles, the last time you would have your picture taken with all 5 of your beautiful grand-kids.  

You are terribly missed, Dad. It is a difficult choice to focus on the good memories, new ones to be made, and moving forward. It's a choice that I must consciously make on a daily basis. I don't always succeed. Sometimes I look through pictures and feel angry, grieved, frustrated.  Most of those feelings come from a pretty selfish place, I guess. The impact that you had on my life and the lives of my children were probably deeper and more profound than I ever told you. I wish I could talk to you today. I wish I could sing 'Happy Birthday' to you.  I wish I could see your face light up the way it did when you would read cards from your grand-kids. I wish I could see you laugh. Regardless of my selfish desires or my own wishes, I know that what you would want from me is a smile, and a thankful heart. So today, I will smile. I will have a thankful heart, I will raise a glass of Guiness in your honor. 

Happy Birthday, Dad.

The people on my mind today...

The one from my dream last night; I saw you standing in my living room and I almost couldn't breathe. When I asked where you had been you remained so calm. As I went to hug you my breath was taken away even more. As I hugged you tightly I cried harder and louder than I ever have before. I missed you so much. The violent tears and emotion brought me right out of my dream. I laid in my bed with the familiar sting of reality of your absence.
The one I thought about as I brushed her hair... You are trying so hard already in this life. I loved watching you interact with your friend last night.  Your sensitive spirit shined when you giggled, as you confidently read your school poem to me, and when you showed genuine concern for your friend's feelings. I love that. 
The one I thought about as I reread his love texts to me last night.... I feel a deep sense of respect and security in my heart when I overhear your voice through the phone saying to our son, 'I wanted to tell you that I love you, buddy'.
The one I thought about as I began my day... I was brought to my knees in tears this morning thanking God for answering prayers.  Your ability to influence so many is not by accident, but a gift from God that will be used far beyond your wildest dreams. You are deeply loved. I respect you so much for the decisions you are making.
The one I thought about as I watched you shut the door and run to class... You are so precious to me. You have a way of encouraging people and making them feel loved. I count you as one of my greatest blessings.

PRACTICAL JOKES

When I came home from lunch yesterday there were freshly baked brownies on the counter made by my son.  The kitchen was clean, but he had left his batter mixing bowl on the counter and had not yet washed it out.  I took the bowl, put it into the sink, and flipped the water handle up full blast to fill the bowl up before scrubbing it out.  When I did this, however, water came spraying out directly at me, drenching my sweatshirt and the floor.  I yelled, scrambled, and reached through the steady stream to slap the handle back to the off position.  It was then that I noticed my ponytail holder wrapped tightly around the sink sprayer holding in securely in the spraying position.  My son had rigged it that way so that his mom would get a nice shower when she turned on the sink.  He wasn't anywhere to be found. I stood there, alone in my house, drenched.  It was at that moment I began to laugh out loud for a few minutes. 
I love that kid.

How willing am I?

From a conversation I had today with someone full of wisdom.: 'It isn't always about the revelations that God allows you to have, but more about how willing you are to let Him change you after he reveals them to you'

So, my question: How willing am I ?
Am I willing to make the changes necessary to keep me growing into the person God has created me to be?
What does that look like? How do I get there?

The good news is that God gets how ridiculous I can be. He knows how over analytical, judgmental, hypocritical, and full of failure I can be! He already knows every evil thought, evil desire, every sin, every act of disobedience and every single time I will fall short way before it ever comes to be.  Here's the best part: He is CRAZY IN LOVE WITH ME ANYWAY.

But because he loves me so much, he refuses to leave me the way that I am.  His desire is that I would be continually growing and experiencing everything that he has set up for me to experience in this lifetime.  I will ask him to show me areas of my life that need change. When I pray for him to step in and change me, (attitude, parenting, self control, etc) I have to know that I also must be willing to do my part when he is ready to grow me a little bit more. I have to be willing to surrender to him daily which usually goes something like this,
"God, I give you my entire day, I know what I want and need to get done but I need your help. My attitude has sucked lately. Please help me to keep my mouth closed if nothing useful or kind is going to come out of it, help me to be gentle, loving and understanding. Humble me. Replace my selfishness with your selflessness. I am aware that I cannot do anything good without you, so please take over in every area and don't let me get in the way".

I usually feel filled up and ready to go about my day after spending some time praying.  It doesn't take long, though, for God to set up my first obstacle course.  This comes in the form of kids fighting, coffee spilling, running late, forgetting homework, messy kitchen, road rage, grumpy people, financial worries, or whatever else that comes along with this life I'm leading. This is the time when God gives me the opportunity to: smile instead of scream, remain calm instead of freak out, trust instead of fear, give instead of take,  and place more importance on loving than on being right.  These "opportunities" are available every single day.  When I go against my flesh and practice obedience in these areas I am  "willing". He will give me the same opportunities for however long it takes me to master them.  Sigh.  I'd like to say I get it the first time the challenge is put in front of me;  but some of these things I have been working on for years.  Luckily, God isn't sick of me trying and failing.  He's excited to set up the obstacle courses for as long as it takes! 

DISNEYLAND

'The Happiest Place on Earth'.  That's where we were last week.  We surprised our kids and took them on a plane to Cali.  This is something that we've been wanting to do for awhile now, and we took the opportunity while Michael is still in his off-season.  Our kids are at such amazing ages to really enjoy and appreciate all that the park had to offer us. It was nice to get out of town and just be with our kids in a setting that wasn't the stress of everyday life. The other thing I love about getting out of town is being out of town with my husband.  I LOOOOOVE "vacation mode Mike".  He's so great.  He's just focused on his family, and having fun. He's always looking out for everyone whether it's trekking around the theme parks with about 20 lbs of extra weight in his backpack so that we are well prepared for cold or rain, stopping to tie little shoes, or wipe faces, he's ALWAYS considerate of everyone else before himself.  I LOVE that about him.  He is such a gentleman.  It reminds me of my dad so much. Such a charming quality that reveals his genuine character. Listening to him laugh out loud sitting behind me on the roller coasters was just an added bonus that made my Disneyland days even better. Jeffrey made sure to eat some chocolate covered bananas in honor of Grandpa Pat, because they were his favorite at Disneyland!!
We were hosted for four nights by Mike and Kelly Falbo.  Mike was my dad's best friend since second grade. These people are truly wonderful. They had a natural gift for making us feel so comfortable and their hospitality consistently went above and beyond.  We were blessed by them all week. They prepared meals for us, snack bags for long days at the park, comfy beds, bubble baths for the kids, ...the list goes on.  I loved just sitting, talking, and laughing with them.
We may have to go down for another visit again sooner than later.  

   

OUCH

My body hates me.  I don't blame it.  I've neglected it for far too long. This week it was time to WAKE IT UP.  I have just finished my second round of antibiotics from having walking pneumonia for the past 6 weeks or so. Still a hint of a cough, and tight lungs, I HAD to get started on my road to health. Tuesday was my first 2 mile run with Reno Running and Fitness. Wednesday was a Dailey Method class taught by my sis-in-law, Sarah, and today was another run.  I am sore, and I have a headache, but I FEEL GREAT! I have guilt about how out of control I let my weight get, how I've passed on bad habits to my kids, and the consequences I'm suffering because I have neglected my health for too long. I have fear of not sticking with it all. Fear of staying in the self loathing miserable state I find myself in when I am doing no type of physical activity. All I can do is take one day at a time, make good choices, and stay active. 

I remember training for my first half marathon. I remember coming to Reno and doing a couple great runs with my dad.  He was the BEST running partner. He could have been a running trainer. He was so encouraging and always pushed me harder than I pushed myself, but in a way that commanded respect and admiration. Frick. I miss him.

Jeffrey had his 6th basketball game today. His team has won all 6 games so far. Today was one of those out of the blue moments that made my eyes tear up all over again.  Watching Jeffrey play so hard the entire game, and seeing his improvement from last year was just awesome. Then the sting of tears hit thinking about how much my dad would have loved to see him playing and improving in basketball.  My bro, Brian showed up to support Jeffrey today. Listening to him call out to Jeffrey on the court was like hearing my dad again.  Their voices are so similar, it caused a lump in my throat. I miss him so much; and am so thankful for the little pieces of him that reside in all of us. 

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. ~Dave Barry

It's that time again. I think one of the best parts of moving back to Reno from Vegas last year was the Junior Ski Program. 
I wasn't expecting Michael to get such a kick out of ALL of it.  He has turned into super-dad on the slopes. I am unbelievably grateful that he has taken something that was a precious memory that I have of my childhood with my dad, and continues it with my kids.  It brings back memories and fills me with joy that new ones are being created.    

LOOK at this picture. He's so frickin hot.

2011: BRING IT

It's time to:

think clearly
get organized
stop complaining
get healthy
set a good example
listen, accept, love
work hard
smile
laugh
enjoy my life
move forward