I still can't believe it...

Tomorrow marks 3 weeks since he's been gone. When I look at the amazing memorial pamphlet from his funeral I find myself still in disbelief that he's really gone. Jeffrey had a basketball tournament in Roseville yesterday. I felt a pain in my heart and a sting in my eyes when I walked into the building full of basketball courts. The last time I was there, my dad was sitting next to me cheering Jeffrey on and giving him pointers between games. I went to visit Beccy today to give her a massage. I heard my dad's voice in my head about 5 different times while I was there. My heart hurt a little more when I kept looking at the door as if he was going to walk through it and ask in his joking voice, 'is my 3 hour massage ready to start'?  Silent tears rolled down my face as I massaged. I looked at the pictures of him and yearned for the amazingly safe embrace of his arms that I have had my entire life. He wasn't going to walk in the door to joke with me, or give Beccy a gentle squeeze as he walked by letting her know he was there.  I have good days and bad days like everyone else who has suffered the loss of someone so precious to them.  I know the importance of moving forward and am praying for the strength to do so gracefully without too much time spent alone grieving. I have to keep going, keep loving, keep praying, keep forgiving, keep living.