It was about five weeks ago that I had a feeling in my heart, 'I want to write blogs dedicated to certain people, I am going to start with (my uncle) Mark O'Driscoll' ...I had just come from an evening out where I was able to spend time talking with him and I felt the strong desire to write about him, and what an incredible gift he is.
Then time went by.
I kept thinking about it.
About three weeks ago I had a couple distinct words come into my heart when the pressing idea of the blog appeared again. Those words were "humble" and "encourager". I was piecing together in my mind what I would write about.
Then time went by.
As his birthday was approaching I knew I needed to get my thoughts out and write the blog.
I didn't.
It was then that I visited my brother's blog, as I often do; only to find a (as always) brilliantly stated, eloquent blog written about the man I had been desiring to write about for the past 5 weeks. I felt like if I wrote my blog now, it would be like the opening act coming out after the rock-star. This is just one of the few things that I have realized as "life passing me by". It has been strongly (for months) in my head and heart to be training for a half marathon that I am supposedly running in a couple weeks. I could give every excuse in the book as to why I have not trained. I am not mentally where I need to be at all, and I have just not done it.
It's embarrassing to admit that I can often sit and do nothing at all but stare and think in silence without moving for 2 hours straight. I am in here, inside my head and body, wanting desperately to get out and have passion and drive again for something.
What I know to be true without a doubt is this: I have a truly blessed life. God has given me an awesome husband as well as three truly amazing children. God has surrounded me with beautiful, loving, generous, wise, funny, encouraging people. All of my needs and most of my material wants are met. I know that my life is good. That was never a question. Even as I write this I am tempted to push the backspace button until I again have a blank screen in front of me. I know I must press on.
I know life is experienced in and through seasons, changes, heartbreak, grief, sorrow, devastation, greed, sacrifice, selfishness, anger, excitement, drought, ............and joy.
I am praying for the last.
4 comments:
I love you. I check your blog all the time to see something new,something wonderful,something ERIN. You and Bri are very different, so if you wish to express your feelings about Marko...I say DO IT, you both have different feelings and different thoughts written in equally as beautiful a way.
As for the dark cloud...it will pass. Just remember how much you are loved, prayed for and thought about.
Very vulnerable and introspective, Er. And you are doing a great job. Who cares if I *ahem* "beat" you to the Mark blog...you just blogged about him in your own way, and in a way befitting the gentleman that he is.
And being stuck in a rut is a commonality we all experience as a part of the human condition. We all deal with grief, anger, inadequacy and much more on a daily basis. But remember that we are all here doing it together, and there are lots of people around that love and support you.
Take it easy on yourself. Trust that the Grand Design has you in mind, and go with the flow.
I love you.
Erin, the thoughts that you share so openly, are so authentic and reflect the heartfelt and caring person that you are. All anyone can do, is what they choose to do at any given time and doing nothing is sometimes the best thing for the moment. Every day is a clean slate with choices to made and "dark clouds" go away with beuatiful skies and even rainbows to follow--always. Love you lots, Auntie Ro
wow.....HEY YOU!, get offa my cloud!....(that is an old song that you surely don't know).....but Er Bear, I HEAR you...I , too, look for the day it will pass. By the way, there aren't ENOUGH words in the english language to decribe what a truly remarkable man your uncle (and my brother) Mark is....he touches us all with his gift of HIMSELF
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